“Creating Communications”: Book Summary (Part-1)

1 Line Summary

“Creating Communications” by Randy Fujishin is a book that teaches you how to communicate effectively by using powerful yet simple techniques based on listening, empathy and honesty.

What Will You Learn

You’ll learn how to:

• Talk to yourself,
• Verbally express yourself,
• Non-verbally express yourself,
• Listen Actively,
• Succeed in interviews,
• Communicate like a leader

Best Quotations from the Book

• All the arts we practice are mere apprenticeship. The big art is our life.
• This present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.
• You will talk and listen to yourself more than anyone else in your lifetime. What will your conversations be like?
• Every artist started out as a beginner. Your skill level right now doesn’t matter. You’ll learn.
• To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.
• What I wear affects how I perform.
• You can experience your everyday life as art by bringing to it the qualities of the artist— inspiration, creativity, absorption, and delight. Go beyond yourself.
• The real art of listening involves an awareness and sensitivity to the feelings of the speaker, because it is at the feeling level that genuine connection, relationship, and healing occurs.
• Forgiveness cures people. Both the ones who give it and those who receive it.
• People tend to resist that which is forced upon them. People tend to support that which they have helped create

Book Summary

Let’s discover the key techniques from the book:

1. Creating Positive Communication: The S.E.L.F. T.A.L.K. Technique

To create positive self-talk, use the S.E.L.F. T.A.L.K. Technique to balance your negative thoughts. Trying even one of them will improve your messages and your communication.

See Your Put Downs

• To change, you need to be aware of what you want to change.
• Notice how you think, feel, and talk about yourself in negative ways.
• Try these four ways to listen to yourself better: speak your thoughts out loud, be quiet and observe, write in a journal, and pay attention to your dreams.

Eliminate Your Put Downs

• Stop saying bad things about yourself. If you catch yourself doing it, cover your mouth with hand. This might seem weird, but your hand can help you remember to stop being negative to yourself.
• By using hand, you can teach your body to talk differently. Your hand can help you change how you speak.

List What’s Good About Yourself

• To communicate better with yourself, think of all the good things about you. Write them down on a paper and make a list of all the things you like about yourself. It might be hard at first, but keep adding to your list for a few days. You will be amazed how long your list will go.
• Put the list somewhere you can see it often, like your mirror, fridge, or car. Sometimes, we forget to say nice things to ourselves because we have nothing good to say. Your list can help you remember.
• Use this list to boost confidence and magnify happiness. It can be a powerful tool for you.

Find What’s Good About Others

• To feel good about yourself, you need to see the good in others. It might sound weird, but when we praise others for what they do, how they are or what they achieve, we also begin to value ourselves. We see the world and ourselves in a more positive light.
• Compliments are like a chain reaction. When you give compliments, you get compliments back.

Talk Positively to Yourself

• You can talk to yourself in positive ways in different forms. It can be in your mind. When you have a negative thought or image, like “I’m so dumb for messing up,” just think the opposite, “It’s fine to make mistakes,”
• Your positive self-talk can be out loud by saying the positive message. For example, you can tell yourself, “I will be calm and cool during the interview,” as you go into the office for a job interview.
• Written positive self-talk is good because it uses visual communication. You can write a letter to cheer yourself up, make a positive note on a card, or just write a good word on your hand to remind yourself of a positive quality.

Ask Others for Help

• To improve your self-talk, seek the support of others who care for you. Ask them to join your positive self-communication program and help you stop being harsh on yourself.
• Let them help you find positive alternatives for your negative thoughts and images, and discover more of your talents.

Learn to be Human

• Remember that you are human and imperfect, and that’s okay. Don’t obsess over being perfect, pleasing everyone, or excelling at everything. That will only stress you out.
• Accept that you have limitations and weaknesses, and so does everyone else.

Keep a Record of Your Success

• Keep track of your achievements and positive self-talk.
• This will help you strengthen, recall, and enjoy your creative efforts.

2. Creating Expressive Verbal Messages: The C.R.E.A.T.I.V.E. Technique

Concrete terms, not vague language

• Choose clear and precise words when you talk to others.
• Don’t assume that others will imagine the same thing as you when you use a word.

Reject inferences, share observations

• Observations are based on what you can sense with your body: what you can see, hear, smell, touch, and taste.
• Inferences are based on what you can guess or imagine from your observations: what you think and feel.
• For example, if I see two people walking arm in arm, that is an observation. If I say that they are in love, that is an inference. To communicate better, use observations and not inferences.

Express ideas, not advice

• To communicate more effectively, don’t judge or tell others what to do. Instead, share your thoughts and offer different choices.
• This way, you let the other person think and decide for themselves. You also respect their dignity, instead of making them feel bad or criticized by you.

Articulate about behavior, not about the person

• Focus on what a person does, not what you think they are or how they are like. Use words that describe actions, not words that describe traits.
• Communicating like this is more accurate because you state facts, not opinions.

Talk about what is said, not why

• Don’t try to figure out what another person means or wants by what they say. This can lead to wrong guesses and misunderstandings.
• Instead, pay attention to what you can see and hear, such as what, how, when, and where. Focus on what is said, not on what you think is the reason behind it.
• This will help you have a clearer and more productive conversation, rather than getting into arguments based on assumptions and speculations.

I-statement messages

• Use I-statements to express your own thoughts and feelings. I-statements help the listener understand who is talking and what they want.
• I-statements avoid blaming, assuming, and judging others.

Verbal and nonverbal messages should reinforce one another

• Make sure your voice, body, and gestures are consistent with what you are saying.
• Don’t send mixed messages that contradict your words and confuse the listener.

Express messages in terms of “more or less,” not “either/or”

• Avoid using extreme words that make things seem black or white. Use words that show shades of gray.
• For example, instead of saying, “Terry is the noisiest person in the world” (which is unrealistic), you could say, “Terry is louder than most people” or “Terry’s voice is too loud for me” (which are more accurate and respectful).
• Be brave and try new ways of communicating. You might discover a hidden talent or improve a relationship. Ask yourself, “What do I really want to say?”

3. Creating Expanded Nonverbal Communication: The T.O.U.C.H. Technique

Touch others

• Touch is a powerful way to show your feelings and connect with others.
• Be mindful of how different people and cultures may feel about touch. Ask for permission before you touch or hug someone. Respect their answer.
• A gentle hand, a pat, or a hug can make your communication more intimate and expressive.

Open to others

• You can choose to be open or closed to others in every interaction. Do you want others to see you as a person who is open, embracing, and inviting?
• You can show openness with your body, posture, eye contact, arms, and voice. You can make others feel welcome and cared for.
• Be yourself and let your personality shine when you welcome others.

Uplift others

• You have the power to make others happy with silent gestures of generosity and care.
• Small acts of kindness, like paying for someone’s toll, giving a gift to a poor family, or bringing doughnuts to your neighbors, can brighten up someone’s day.
• Look for opportunities to do good deeds for others, e.g. letting someone park in your spot, cleaning up a park, or planting a tree.
• You will be a source of joy and inspiration for others.

Connect with others

• Communication is the key to building bonds with others. We want to be part of something greater than ourselves. We want to fit in, to be seen, and to see others. Life is empty without human bonds. Our goal is to unite, to share, and to love.
• Find ways to show love without words. It can be as simple as cutting your grandmother’s grass, sending flowers to your partner at work, or putting a snack in your child’s lunchbox. You can think of many ways to express your care and keep in touch with those you love.

Help others

• Helping others is a powerful way to offer comfort, hope, and love. Don’t just talk, act. Be generous and kind to others. Look for ways to serve others and meet their needs. You can do simple things like holding the door or helping an old person cross the street.
• Helping others will make your heart more loving. You just need to put yourself aside for a while and help those who need it. You will not only communicate love to those around you, you may also find your true self. Spread goodness wherever you go.
• Every moment of your life gives you a chance to support and connect with others with your actions and gestures. If you take these chances, like Rose, you will also be a blessing to others.

4. Creating Receptive Communication: The E.A.R.S. Technique

Elevate the person

• To listen to someone, you need to accept him as it is and not judge him by your own standards.
• You need to focus on the other person by giving him the space to express freely.
• You need to prioritize the other person’s message even if it is hard to do so. This is how you can truly listen.

Attend the person

• To listen well, you need to respect the other person and not let your own needs, desires, and judgments interfere.
• You need to show presence and acceptance through body language and your words, and make the other person feel comfortable and valued.
• You need to listen with the intention of understanding, not of changing, fixing, judging, directing, teaching, or rescuing the other person. You need to listen as if the other person’s thoughts and feelings matter to you.

Reflect the person

• When someone is talking to you, you need to paraphrase that to confirm understanding and showing that you are listening.
• Active listening can make a person feel better, happier, and even healed by feeling that they are respected and accepted. Your objective and supportive feedback can have a powerful and positive impact on the person.
• By asking questions like “Are you saying . . . ?” or “Do you mean . . . ?” without judging or advising, you can improve the quality of the conversation.

Support the person

• The last step in being a good listener is to support the person who is talking to you in any way you can. It can be done by offering some words, actions, or gestures that show them that you appreciate them and their sharing.
• The goal is not to make the person’s problem go away, make them happy. It is to do more than just showing understanding them; it shows your care about them and intimate help.
• You have two ears and one mouth so that you can listen more than you talk. Your ears can make every relationship, no matter where or with whom, a place where others feel welcome, safe, and understood. By listening well, you can also make a safe place for others to enjoy, just like the woman with silver hair.

5. Creating a Successful Interview: The W.I.N. Technique

Work

• You need to work hard to know yourself and the job, practice the interview, and send a thank-you note.
• This is not a simple task. It is for those who really want the job and are ready to put in a lot of effort.

Invest

• Invest in yourself long before job hunting. This includes education, training, workshops, and professional reading.
• Join relevant organizations and volunteer. This builds well-roundedness and shows initiative.
• Take care of your physical and mental health. A positive attitude and emotional stability are the keys.

Navigate

• You’re the captain of your career ship. You’re the one who decides which direction your career takes. Before applying for any job, take a step back and consider if it’s truly something you’re passionate about. You’ll be spending a significant amount of time there, so make sure it’s a place you see yourself thriving.
• Pay attention to your intuition throughout the job search and interview process. If something feels off, don’t be afraid to walk away.
• Your communication matters. Make sure you’re communicating effectively during interviews and showcasing your enthusiasm for the role. Your attitude and behavior can significantly impact the outcome.
• You create your own life quality. By taking ownership of your path and making decisions that align with your values, you’re setting yourself up for a fulfilling and successful journey.

If you are willing to upscale your communication skills, read “Creating Communications”.

For more insights, read “Exactly What to Say“, “How to Talk to Anyone“, “Just Listen“, “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, “Crucial Conversations” and “Relation between Self Awareness and Effective Communication“.