“25 Ways to Win With People” by John Maxwell: Book Summary »

1 Line Summary

“25 Ways to Win With People” by John Maxwell highlights how growing as a person and showing real concern for others can lead to deeper and more meaningful connections.

What Will You Learn

You’ll learn how to:

Uplift Others,
Inspire and Motivate People,
Praise and Compliment Others,
Add Value to People and
Help Others Win.

Best Quotations from the Book

You cannot enjoy others until you enjoy yourself because you cannot give to others what you do not have.
He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything.
No man has a prosperity so high or firm, but that two or three words can dishearten it; and there is no calamity which right words will not begin to redress.
You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.
You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.
The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a flying army, to change defeat into victory, and to save an empire.

Book Summary

Maxwell shares following tips to win with people:

Start With Yourself
Practice 30 Seconds Rule
Let People Know You Need Them
Create a Memory and Visit It Often
Complement People in Front of Other People
Give Others a Reputation to Uphold
Say the Right Words at the Right Time
Encourage the Dreams of Others
Pass Credit On To Others
Offer Your Very Best
Share a Secret with Someone
Mine the Gold of Good Intentions
Keep Your Eyes of the Mirror
Do For Others They Can’t Do For Themselves
Listen With Your Heart
Find the Keys to Their Hearts
Be the First to Help
Add Value to People
Remember a Person’s Story
Tell a Good Story
Give with No Strings Attached
Learn Your Mailman’s Name
Point Out People’s Strengths
Write Notes of Encouragements
Help People Win

Let’s explore each of these:

1. Start With Yourself

Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.

If you want to win with people, you’ve got to be a winner yourself—or at the very least be on your way to becoming one.
If we do not form a winning character, we are sure to lose with other people. That’s why this first step is so significant.
Emotional health is more than the absence of dysfunctional emotions. Emotional health is at the center of winning with people.
“You will only be able to take a person as far as you have gone yourself.” Because you cannot give what you do not have. You cannot enjoy others until you enjoy yourself.
Harry Firestone said, “You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself.”

How to Be a Winner

Being a winner comes down to one thing: your value.
Being a winner has nothing to do with your performance, your salary, or your earning potential. It has to do with your value and whether or not you have owned it. When you embrace your own personal value, when you are secure in who you are, then you have become a winner.
Recognize Your Value
Accept Your Value
Increase Your Value
Believe in Your Value

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Whatever makes you feel insecure.

Ask:

How can I increase my value in order to benefit others, rather than just myself?

Do it:

List the things you can improve about yourself (bad habits to break, etc.), along with specific steps to take to make the improvements.

Remember:

Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.

2. Practice 30 Seconds Rule

He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything.

Within the first thirty seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.

Be kind , everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. People everywhere need a good word, an uplifting compliment to fire their hopes and dreams. It takes very little effort to do, but it really lifts people up.”

The key to the 30-Second Rule is “When you make contact with people, instead of focusing on yourself, search for ways to make them look good”.

30 Seconds Rule Gives People a Triple-A Treatment

All people feel better and do better when you give them attention, affirmation, and appreciation. Affirm them and show your appreciation for them in some way. Then watch what happens. You will be surprised by how positively they respond.

30 Seconds Rule Gives People Energy

30 Seconds Rule Gives People Motivation

Never underestimate the power of motivation. Motivation helps people who know what:

they should do . . . to do it!
commitment they should make . . . to make it!
habit they should break . . . to break it!
path they should take . . . to take it!

Motivation makes it possible to accomplish what you should accomplish.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Searching for ways to make yourself look good. Instead, search for ways to make others look good.

Ask:

What positive, encouraging thing can I say to each person I will see today?

Do it:

Give everyone you meet the Triple-A Treatment— attention, affirmation, and appreciation.

Remember:

Within the first thirty seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging.

3. Let People Know You Need Them

Great leaders stumble when they believe people need them instead of recognizing that the very opposite is true.

“Leaders can become great only when they realize that they are the ones who need people.”

When the vision gets bigger than you, you really only have two choices: give up on the vision or get help.

No matter how successful you are, no matter how important or accomplished, you do need people. That’s why you need to let them know that you cannot win without them.

People Need to be Needed
People Need to Know They Need People
People Need to Know They are Needed
People Need to Know that They Helped

People need to know that they helped someone. “Good leaders make people feel that they’re at the very heart of things, not at the periphery” says leadership expert Warren Bennis. “Everyone feels that he or she makes a difference to the success of the organization. When that happens people feel centered and that gives their work meaning.”

It’s not a sign of weakness to let others know you value them. It’s a sign of security and strength.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

A prideful attitude that causes you to prove how capable you are without the help of others.

Ask:

Who specifically can help me do a better job than I can do alone? Who is just waiting to be asked to join in what I am doing?

Do it:

Sincerely ask others for input or help and attend carefully to what they have to say.

Remember:

Individuals who win with people make others feel that they are at the very heart of things, not at the periphery.

4. Create a Memory and Visit It Often

“Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things.”

Few things bond people together like a shared memory. Soldiers who battle together, teammates who win a championship, and work teams that hit their goals share a connection that never goes away. Married couples who experience rough times can often look back on their earlier experiences together to keep them going.

Some memories come as the result of circumstance, but many can be proactively created. Here are some hints for creating memories that will help you win with people:

Initiative- Make Something Happen
Time- Set Aside Time to Make Something Happen
Planning- Plan for Something to Happen
Creativity- Find a Way to Make Something Happen
Shared Experiences- Make Something Happen Together
Relieve the Memory- Talk About What Happened

The most important part of creating a memory is reliving it. It’s the payoff! It creates a connection that bonds us together and makes both of us feel great.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Trying to have quality time to make a memory if you aren’t willing to invest the quantity of time it requires.

Ask:

What memories have I already created with people in my life that we need to relive together?

Do it:

Plan an experience that will commemorate an achievement or milestone that people will talk about years from now. And don’t forget to create a memento of it.

Remember:

We shouldn’t wait for memories to happen to us. We need to make memories happen.

5. Complement People in Front of Other People

“Admonish thy friends in secret, praise them openly.”

The ten marks of an eagle (the shining star) are:

Eagles make things happen.
Eagles see and seize opportunities.
Eagles influence the opinions and actions of others.
Eagles add value to you.
Eagles draw winners to them.
Eagles equip other eagles to lead.
Eagles provide ideas that help the organization.
Eagles possess an uncommonly great attitude.
Eagles live up to their commitments and responsibilities.
Eagles show fierce loyalty to the organization and the leader.

If you want to make others feel like a million bucks, you’ve got to master this elementary skill. And it’s essential that you learn to give your compliments in front of others as well as one-on-one. Because that private compliment turned public, instantly and dramatically increases in value. Here are reasons why that’s so important:

People Want to Feel Worthwhile in Life

“Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from his neck, It says, ‘Make Me Feel Important!’” Mary Kay.

Compliments Increase in Value When We Value the Person Who Gives Them
Compliments Affirm People and Make Them Strong
Compliments in Front of Others are The Most Effective Ones

Whenever you have the opportunity to publicly praise another person, don’t let it slip by. You can also find countless opportunities if you just look for them.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Giving compliments only in private. Instead, give public praise whenever you can.

Ask:

Who can I spotlight in front of others?

Do it:

Compliment someone around you in front of other people today.

Remember:

When you give someone a public compliment, you give him or her wings like an eagle.

6. Give Others a Reputation to Uphold

Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.

One of the best ways to inspire others and make them feel good about themselves is to show them who they could be.

When you give someone a reputation to uphold, you give him something good to shoot for. It’s putting something that was beyond his reach within his grasp. By speaking to their potential, you help the people around you to “play proud”.

If you desire to give others a reputation to uphold, here are suggestions on how to get started:

Have High Opinion of People

Dr. J. Sterling Livingston, the founder of the Sterling Institute management consulting firm, observed,

“People perform consistently as they perceive you expect them to perform.”

A reputation is something that many people spend their entire lives trying to live down or live up to.

Back Up Your High Opinion with Action
Give Past their Pasts and Give Them Reputation for Future
Give People a New Name that Speaks Their Potential

Everyone enjoys the encouragement that comes from someone seeing—and speaking to—their potential.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

A person’s failures in the past and focus on his or her potential in the future.

Ask:

What is special, unique, and wonderful about this person? How can I show it to others?

Do it:

Back up your high opinion of a person with action that reinforces that opinion.

Remember:

Many people go farther than they thought they could go because someone else believed they could and told them so.

7. Say the Right Words at the Right Time

No man has a prosperity so high or firm, but that two or three words can dishearten it; and there is no calamity which right words will not begin to redress.

Maxwell while addressing a conference of managers, said:

The wrong words said at the wrong time discourage me.
The wrong words said at the right time frustrate me.
The right words said at the wrong time confuse me.
The right words said at the right time encourage me.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do for someone else is to hold our tongue. British journalist George Sala advised, we should strive

“not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

It’s not just what you say and when you say it: it’s also how you say it.
People can tell the difference between hollow words and something that is said from the heart.
Saying the right words at the right time can do more than just make a person feel good in the moment. It can have an impact that is positive and lasting.
Look for opportunities to uplift others with your words. It just might change their lives.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

What you want to say and focus on what the other person needs to hear.

Ask:

What would I want to hear if I was in this person’s shoes?

Do it:

Change someone’s day—or maybe even his entire life—by saying the right words at the right time, from the heart.

Remember:

“Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in the right circumstances.”

8. Encourage the Dreams of Others

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

A wrong word can crush a person’s dream; the right word can inspire him or her to pursue it.

If someone thinks enough of you to tell you about his or her dreams, take care. And keep these things in mind as you work to encourage that person:

Dreams are Fragile

To Lose a Dream is a Great Loss

Norman Cousins, professor of psychiatry at UCLA, believed, “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.”

Our dreams keep us alive. That’s why it’s so important that you help keep others’ dreams alive. By doing so, you can literally help them live.

Encouraging Others in Pursuit of their Dreams is a Great Gift

That is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give. How can you do it? Follow these six steps:

Ask them to share their dream with you. Everyone has a dream, but few people are asked about it.
Affirm the person as well as the dream. Let the person know that you not only value his or her dream but that you also recognize traits in that individual that can help him or her achieve it.
Ask about the challenges they must overcome to reach their dream. Few people ask others about their dreams; even fewer try to find out what kinds of hurdles the person is up against to pursue them.
Offer your assistance. No one achieves a worthwhile dream alone. You’ll be amazed by how people light up when you offer to help them achieve their dream.
Revisit their dream with them on a consistent basis. If you really want to help others with their dreams, don’t make it a one-time activity you mark off your list. Check in with them to see how they’re doing and to lend assistance.
Determine daily to be a dream booster, not a dream buster. Everyone has a dream, and everyone needs encouragement. Set your mental radar to pick up on others’ dreams and help them along.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Critiquing another person’s dream. Instead, affirm his lofty vision and his pursuit to realize it.

Ask:

Who can I encourage today in reaching their dreams?

Do it:

Offer specific help in bringing another person closer to making his or her dream a reality.

Remember:

When a person shares his or her dream with you, it is the center of that person’s soul.

9. Pass Credit On To Others

If each of us were to confess his most secret desire, the one that inspires all his plans, all his actions, he would say: “I want to be praised”. – E. M. Cioran

Rarely do we get an opportunity to say thank you enough to the people who help us. Passing the credit on to others is one of the easiest ways to win with people. If you’d like to practice it, here are a few suggestions to get you started:

Check Your Ego at the Door

“An egotist is not a person who thinks too much of himself; it’s someone who thinks too little of other people”.

Pass the Credit ASAP
Say In Front of Others
Put It In Print
Only Say If You Mean It

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Your ego. Focus on the people around you and the credit they deserve.

Ask:

Who has made me more successful than I would have been on my own?

Do it:

Publicly pass along credit for a successful endeavor to as many people as you can.

Remember:

If each of us were to confess our most secret desire, we would say: “I want to be praised.”

10. Offer Your Very Best

Perhaps you are someone who already possesses an offer-your-best mindset. If not, the following thoughts will help you develop that mind-set:

Anyone Can Be an Important Person

If we see everyone as important—not just the people we liked the most—we would always offer our very best.

Anything Can Be Made Important

Most moments in life become special only if we treat them that way. The average day is average only because we don’t make it something more. The most excellent way to elevate an experience is to give it our best. That makes it special.

You Can Become Important to Anyone

Usually the people who are important to you are the ones who treat you as important. We naturally value the people who value us. So if we want to be important to others, treat them as important.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Doing the minimum required to get by, and focus instead on your maximum effort.

Ask:

What can I do for someone who could never repay me?

Do it:

Voluntarily give beyond what is required.

Remember:

Everybody appreciates a person who gives his very best.

11. Share a Secret with Someone

Conceal not your secret from your friend, or you deserve to lose him.

When you allow another person to know what is stirring within you, giving him a “taste” of a plan or idea, you instantly make a meaningful connection with him.

Sharing a secret with someone is really a matter of two things: reading the context of a situation and desiring to build up the other person. If you do those two things, you can learn this skill. As you try it out, keep these three things in mind:

Sharing a Secret Means Giving Valuable Information

When you share a secret, the information needs to be something that the people you’re talking to care about.

Sharing a Secret Makes People Feel Special

Letting people in on something always boosts their egos.

Sharing a Secret Includes Others in Your Journey

The bottom line on sharing a secret with others is that it is an act of inclusion. It invites others into your life, into your experience. It includes them in your success.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Hoarding information for yourself.

Ask:

Whom can I benefit most by letting them in on some otherwise private information?

Do it:

Find someone to let in on a secret today.

Remember:

Sharing a secret with someone is bound to boost their self-esteem.

12. Mine the Gold of Good Intentions

Not everyone has pure intentions. If you mine the gold of good intentions, occasionally people will take advantage of you. Expect the best, and be blessed most of the time.

If you desire to do the same, do the following:

Believe the Best about People

The first thing you need to do is check your attitude.

See Things from Their Perspective

The issue of perspective really has to do with maturity.

Give People the Benefit of Doubt

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Remember their Good Days Not the Bad Ones

We all have good days and bad days. Everyone likes to remember the good days.

Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”

If you desire to mine the gold of good intentions in others, then forgiveness is essential.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Justice; instead, focus on grace and forgiveness.

Ask:

How would I feel and what would I do if I were in this person’s shoes?

Do it:

Practice the Golden Rule by appreciating what others intend, not only what they do—just as you would like for them to do with you.

Remember:

If I fail to believe the best in others, I will not give the effort to “mine” the gold contained in them.

13. Keep Your Eyes of the Mirror

Are we willing to focus on others? The foundational concept for that question is the Big Picture Principle, which states:

“The entire population of the world—with one minor exception—is composed of other people.”

Most people would readily admit that unselfishness is a positive quality, and even the most egocentric individual possesses the desire, deep down, to help others.

Here are a few thoughts to help you remember to keep your eyes off the mirror:

Focusing Others Gives a Sense of Purpose
Focusing Others Gives Energy

You can actually help yourself by helping others. Remember that, and it will help you to take—and keep—your eyes off the mirror.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Trying to find happiness by tending to your own needs first.

Ask:

What can I do to forget myself and focus on others?

Do it:

Set your needs aside and do something specific, today, that will help you keep your eyes off the mirror.

Remember:

Success in life has everything to do with what you do for others.

14. Do For Others They Can’t Do For Themselves

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you”. John Bunyan

Doing for others what they can’t do for themselves is really a matter of attitude. No matter how much or how little you think you have, you have the ability to do for others what they cannot do for themselves.

You can approach the task by thinking in terms of four areas:

Introduce Others to People They Can’t Know On their Own

Sometimes it’s as simple as introducing one friend to another or one business associate to another. Just make connections. Be the bridge in people’s relationships with others.

Take People to Places They Can’t Go On their Own

You may have the power to give someone an experience that seems inaccessible to them. If you can’t help a friend or colleague, then start with your family. Take your children places they could not go on their own. There’s no telling what kind of positive impact it will make.

Offer Others Opportunities They Can’t Each on Their Own

Few things are of greater value to a prepared person than an opportunity because opportunities increase our potential. Demosthenes, the great orator of ancient Greece, said,

“Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises”.

Share Ideas With Others They Can’t Possess on their Own

Every product begins with an idea.

One of the things about creative people is that they love ideas, and they always seem to have more coming. The more they give away, the more new ideas they seem to have.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Focusing on what you can get from others and focus instead on what you can do for others.

Ask:

What opportunity, idea, or experience could I provide that someone might never be able to have without my help?

Do it:

Consider specific things you might be able to do for others by making a list of your unique skills, resources, and connections.

Remember:

We all need others to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

15. Listen With Your Heart

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.

If you are already a good listener, you are ahead of the game. All you have to do is listen “between the lines” for cues that will tell you how others feel.

Do the following to transform yourself into someone who listens with the heart:

Focus On the Person

Unclog Your Ears

Potential barriers to active listening are:

Distractions—Phone calls, TV and things of that sort can make good listening nearly impossible.

Defensiveness—Once you begin to protect yourself, you will care little about what others think or how they feel.

Closed-mindedness—When you think you have all the answers, you close your mind. And when you close your mind, you close your ears.

Projection—Automatically attributing your own thoughts and feelings to others prevents you from perceiving how they feel.

Assumptions—When you jump to conclusions, you take away your own incentive to listen.

Pride—Thinking we have little to learn from others is, perhaps, the most deadly of distractions to listening.

Listen Aggressively

Listen aggressively to pick up every good idea from the people for overall improvement.

Listen to Understand

The fundamental cause of nearly all communication problems is that people don’t listen to understand; they listen to reply.

What most people really want is to be listened to, respected, and understood. If you want to meet others’ needs and make them feel like a million bucks, then you need to listen.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Trying to get your own point across and put your energy into understanding the other person’s point.

Ask:

How can I better understand what this person is feeling and thinking?

Do it:

Listen aggressively by eliminating distractions and focusing on the other person’s point of view.

Remember:

The best way to persuade is with your ears.

16. Find the Keys to Their Hearts

When communicators speak to audiences, a funny thing often occurs. You have a clear purpose in mind, prepare your message carefully, and deliver it. But when people come up to you to talk about what you said—each person seems to have heard a different message. It never fails.

Accept that People are Different
Find Key to Heart by Asking Questions
Establish Common Ground
Realize that People Change with Time

Time changes all things, including the human heart.So what does that mean to someone who wants to win with others by finding the keys to their hearts? It means you should:

Stay in Conversation with Others
Look for Change Indicators

People change when:

they hurt enough that they have to,
they learn enough that they want to,
they receive enough that they are able to.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Your inclination to believe that everyone is (or should be) just like you.

Ask:

What “change indicators” have I seen in the person whose heart I’d like to understand?

Do it:

Purposefully try to discover the keys to the hearts of your inner circle.

Remember:

Leaders who succeed are those who understand the hearts of their team.

17. Be the First to Help

“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want”. Zig Ziglar

You can become the first to help by following these guidelines:

Make Helping Others a Priority
Make Yourself Aware of Other’s Needs
Be Willing to Take Risks
Follow Through Once You Begin to Help

Sometimes when we are the first to offer help, we discover that the person to whom we made the offer isn’t in as great a need as we first expected. Follow through anyway. Being the first to help is a great way to win with people. Offering to help and then not following through is a sure way to lose.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Thinking only about what’s in it for you and think about how you can offer a hand.

Ask:

How can I help you?

Do it:

Be the first to volunteer your services, offer assistance, or lend a hand.

Remember:

If you help enough people get what they want, you’ll get what you want too.

18. Add Value to People

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value”. Albert Einstein

There is nothing in this life more important than people. If you desire to become a value adder, then take these things to heart:

Value People

“You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody”. Les Giblin, Human relations expert .

Make Yourself More Valuable

You cannot give what you do not have. There are people who possess good hearts and the desire to give, yet they have very little to offer, because they have not first added value to themselves.

Know What People Value

Once we know what people value, with some effort we can add value to them. To know what people value, “Listen with Your Heart” and “Find the Keys to Their Hearts”.

By the way, adding value to others is not only a gift to them; it is a gift to you.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Trying to become a person of success, and instead become a person of value.

Ask:

Who adds value to my life, and to whom would I most like to add value?

Do it:

Make a list of the people in your life and note exactly what they value most from you.

Remember:

If you don’t truly value the person, he or she will never feel important in your presence.

19. Remember a Person’s Story

Here are just a few reasons to remember a person’s story:

Requesting a person’s story says, “You could be special.”
Remembering a person’s story says, “You are special.”
Reminding a person of his or her story says, “You are special to me.”
Repeating a person’s story to others says, “You should be special to them.”
The result? You become special to the person who shared a story with you.

There are really just three small steps when it comes to embracing this practice:

1. Ask

When you meet someone new, after the introductions and initial pleasantries, don’t hesitate. Dive in and ask to hear the person’s story.

If you’ve never tried this kind of thing before and you worry that it might be awkward the first few times you do it, then practice with people you are unlikely to see again. Once you become comfortable asking questions of total strangers, the rest will be easy.

2. Listen

Here were some of the tips:

Look the speaker in the eye.
Be attentive—don’t roll your eyes or grimace when you hear something you don’t agree with.
Don’t interrupt—try phrases like “Go on” or “I see” instead of “Now, that reminds me . . .”
Tell the speaker what you think you heard; begin by saying, “Let me see if I understand . . .”

The main idea is to really focus on the other person.

3. Remember

Just about everyone has the capacity to remember stories, stories stay with us. If we care about people, really listen to them, and try to remember their stories, we can make an impact on them.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Telling your own story and listen to the story of others.

Ask:

What’s your story?

Do it:

Bring up some aspect of a person’s story the next time you see him or her.

Remember:

Everyone loves to tell his story

20. Tell a Good Story

Storytelling is very effective one-on-one, in small group conversation, and in front of large audiences. Invariably, the person who tells the best stories becomes the one to whom others turn their attention.

Qualities of Impressive Story Tellers

Enthusiasm,
Audience participation,
Spontaneity,
Memorization,
Humor,
Creativity,
Personal.

If you don’t have much experience with it, or you would like to improve, then allow me to give you a few tips:

Share Something that You Experienced,
Share it With the Goal of Connection,
Put Your Heart into It
Assume that Others Want to Hear It

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Being a professional storyteller.

Ask:

How can I make my point come through stronger with a story?

Do it:

Tell a story instead of relaying only facts.

Remember:

Stories stick—principles fade.

21. Give with No Strings Attached

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?” Martin Luther King Jr.

The most satisfying thing in life is to have been able to give a large part of one’s self to others. Anyone who has unselfishly helped another person knows this to be true. Yet not everyone is able to adopt an ongoing mind-set of giving toward others.

People who enjoy giving with no strings attached usually exhibit two characteristics:

1. Abundance Mentality

People possessing an abundance mind-set believe that there is plenty of everything to go around. If life is a pie, and others are helping themselves to pieces, the solution of the person with the abundance mind-set is to bake another pie.

The inventors, entrepreneurs, and explorers of the world are continually creating new “pies” so that everyone can get a slice.

“When we refrain from giving, with a scarcity mentality, the little we have will become less. When we give generously, with an abundance mentality, what we give away will multiply.” Henri Nouwen

2. Seeing the Bigger Picture

People who give with no strings attached are usually aware of the help they have received along the way. They recognize that they are standing on the shoulders of previous generations. The progress they make is due, at least in part, to the work and sacrifice of those who have gone before them. Because of this, they are determined to do for the next generation what was done for them.

To become better givers, we need greater perspective. When we realize how much we have benefited from the kindness of others, it becomes much easier for us to be generous.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Scarcity; instead, focus on abundance.

Ask:

Whom can I help that will give nothing in return?

Do it:

Be purposely kind and generous to a specific person.

Remember:

You do yourself the most good when you are doing something good for others.

22. Learn Your Mailman’s Name

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language”. Dale Carnegie

A person’s name is his personal signboard to the world, his most intimate, distinctive possession.

Remembering names can help enhance your personal image, improve your style, and, most importantly, increase your impact on others. And when you take the time to learn the names of not only your clients and important acquaintances, but also the everyday people you interact with, you go to another level of relational connectivity.

If you desire to improve your skill with names, here are a few suggestions:

· Recognize Value of the Name

A good name is very valuable to everyone. If someone takes my purse, he’s just taking something replaceable that doesn’t mean much. But if he ruins my reputation, he takes away something irreplaceable that doesn’t benefit him but causes me a great loss, says William Shakespeare.

· Use the SAVE Method

S—Say the name three times in conversation.

A—Ask a question about the name (for example, how it is spelled) or about the person.

V—Visualize the person’s prominent physical or personality feature.

E—End the conversation with the name.

· In Case of Memory Failure

Try to recall the situation in which you met the person or last saw him or her. If you can’t recall even that, then ask, “How long has it been?” Perhaps that will jog your memory.

If you’re meeting people along with a friend or colleague, sometimes you can help each other out. Introduce the person whose name you do remember to the person whose name you don’t, and perhaps the individual will volunteer his name.

When all else fails, just say, “I’m so sorry; I remember you well, but I’m afraid your name has slipped my mind.” Then after the individual reminds you, use the SAVE method so that you are less likely to forget it again.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Blaming your “bad” memory and exert some effort to remember people’s names.

Ask:

What can you tell me about the origin of your name or how it’s spelled?

Do it:

Use the SAVE Method with each new person you meet this week.

Remember:

A person’s name is one of his or her most valuable possessions.

23. Point Out People’s Strengths

People often make a mistake in their personal development when they focus too much on their weaknesses. As a result, they spend all their time trying to shore up those weaknesses instead of maximizing the strengths they possess.

Here’s why we need to focus on finding people’s strengths and pointing them out:

· It Underlines People’s Uniqueness

Every person can do at least one thing better than ten thousand other people. Most people have strengths that they rarely get to use. Those strengths may be job skills, knowledge, general abilities, personality characteristics, or other attributes.

· People are Motivated in Their Areas of Strength

A study showed that about 85% of workers in the U.S. believe they can work harder. Over half think they could be twice as effective. This might be because many aren’t doing jobs that use their best skills.

When people switch from tasks they’re not good at to ones they are, they get more motivated, excited, and productive.

· People Add the Most Value in their Strength Zones

All players have a place where they add the most value.

A successful person finds the right place for himself. But a successful leader finds the right place for others.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

The weaknesses of others.

Ask:

What does this individual do exceptionally well?

Do it:

Every day this week, tell at least one person what strength you see in him or her.

Remember:

Every person in the world possesses the seeds for success.

24. Write Notes of Encouragements

“The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a flying army, to change defeat into victory, and to save an empire”. Emile De Giradin

You can learn much about people when you see where they work.

A kind word given from the heart is always well received. Here’s why you should write notes of encouragement to others:

· Notes Represent an Investment by the Writer

Written encouragement comes directly from the heart, uninterrupted and uninhibited. That’s why it’s so powerful.

You don’t have to be a professional writer to make a difference in someone’s life. Just taking the time to write is evidence of your willingness to invest in that person.

· Notes are Remembered for Long after the Writer has Forgotten Them

You never can tell when something you write to others will light them up in down times or sustain them when life gets difficult.

When a word of encouragement is written down for another person, it is often perceived to be more genuine than when it is spoken.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Being a perfect writer and focus on writing from the heart.

Ask:

What can I say that will be an encouragement now, as well as someday in the future?

Do it:

Take one hour today to write several notes to people for the sole purpose of encouraging them.

Remember:

Words have the power to give encouragement long after the writer has forgotten them.

25. Help People Win

“The most important measure of how good a game I played was how much better I’d make my teammates play”. Bill Russell, NBA Champion

You don’t have to be rich, famous, or talented to help others win. You just need to care and do your best to help them. And know this: when you have the ability to help someone win, you will be that person’s friend for life.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself”. Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you want to help people win, then take the following steps:

Believe in People

If you don’t believe in people, then you are unlikely to do everything you can to help them win. People know when someone doesn’t believe in them. They see right through pretense and insincere backslapping. But when they know you believe in them, magic begins to happen.

Give People Hope

It’s been said that a person can live:

forty days without food,
four days without water,
four minutes without air,
but only four seconds without hope.

If you want to help people win, then become a purveyor of hope.

Focus on the Process, Not Just the Win
When You Help Others Win, You Also Win

When people make the right decisions that help the team to achieve its goal, everybody wins. You can’t help winning when you help others win.

Practical Tip

Forget about:

Approaching life as a competition where you have to beat everyone else in order to win.

Ask:

Whom would I most like to help win and how can I do it?

Do it:

Make a game plan. Chart the road you will travel together on your way to victory.

Remember:

Once you help someone win, you will have a friend for life.

if you want to learn to master all of them, then here’s how you can proceed:
put yourself on a twelve-week program for winning with people.
after starting with you, select two of the practices and do them every day for an entire week.

If you do that, you will go through a process where you will . . .

Become conscious of how that winning way works,
Learn the basics of how to do it,
Practice it until you master it, and
Begin to make it a habit.

Here’s to your success: may you keep winning by helping others win.

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